Cold Hearted

There’s a lover inside of you

Tender and kind

A being who appreciates 

Sweet kisses and time

There’s a lover inside you

That wants long gazes and hugs

Snuggled up in the covers just because

There’s a lover inside you

Who wants nothing more

Than the lover in someone else

To take the time to explore

Every crevice and curve 

Every heartbreak and tear

Someone who genuinely just wants you near

But there’s an Ego around you

That blocks out the pain

Keeps away the hurt and despair 

That comes with the rain

There’s an Ego around you

That pushes people away

To protect the soft heart inside you

That can’t take another heartbreak 

There’s an Ego around you

That lashes out cloked as wit

Sarcastic phrases, cynical shit 

This Ego around you 

Casts the image of a black heart

But I see through your veil

I think I see a warm start

Of the lover inside you

Wanting to emerge again

And I’ve got nothing but time

So I’ll wait till you let me in.

₣ɎⱤɆ

I’ve got moonlight in my hands

The warmth of a star so close to me

can’t even comprehend

This beautiful soul I see

She’s got this smile about her

That from the corner gently teases

Coaxing kisses from lips so soft

My heart skips into pieces

It’s not often I’m silent in her presence

Pumping her full of my pointless banter

But just one glance up from those eyes

And nothing I’ve said matters

She’s snowfall over bonfires

Or rainfall in a drought

She’s the Carmel to my apple

And everything life’s about

So with this moonlight in my hands

And the warmth of a star so close to me

We’ll stroll through the darkness

Blowing down blunt wrapped trees

Pause, a ᴿᴱᶠᴸᴱᶜᵀᴵᴼᴺ

I had to fall apart to see all the pieces

Laid out in front of me like a road map to recovery I could pinpoint exactly where the rip in my seem was. I had been stuffing myself full of nothings. Full of air, no weight inside threatening to collapse from lack of structure. Who taught you how to love? I had been stumbling along crafting hopes and dreams but what was 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮….

𝓑𝓛𝓤𝓔

Can I just lay with you till the morning comes, till our lips have dried and fingers undone. Listening intently as your chest raises and falls, it’s here in your arms that my demons crawl slowly but away, escaping our fairytale turned raw. In the morning as the sun seeps through like honey blood, sticky shining down on this unshakable love.

Just a reminder 

She was lost and she knew it. 

Looking for a corner to engulf her hurting soul, someone to finally make her feel whole. A piece to fix a broken half, but scattered shards can’t fix damaged glass.

She was defeated….but pushed through it.

Do not be meek, hold your head high, be bold be proud, it’s ok to cry. You’re not crazy or insane for expressing your views. You have every right to demand how they treat you. Mistakes do not define you, let the past be where it is. I pen this as a reminder to myself….you got this kid.

Hollow Relationships

This is an ode to the often misinterpreted loves.

To the friendships that seem deep and knowing, when really they’re just a tally of who’s done what so far. The friendships that at one time seemed close, but lately just exists. The ones who’ve turned their confidant into a sounding board, just someone to talk at rather than talk to. Those close friends who can no longer determine if they hate you or just the things you do.

A toast to the parents who should be loving an understanding, but instead have become judgemental and demanding. No longer wishing for your hopes and dreams, but envious of your “unearned” success. Cause you know….you had it easy because of them.

Oh and lets not forget those lovers of past and present. Those everlasting, never-ending, enduring, unconditional..you name it, loves. The ones who said they’d never hurt you, leave you or deceive you loves. The ones who smile in you’re face and tell  you “Everything’s Great“, loves. Those tricky, conniving ……..convince  you the relationships “thriving” loves. You fall asleep next to, but wake alone loves. The “hey I called you”oh “i didn’t mean to text YOU” loves. The “I love you” but I’m not in “LOVE” with you loves.

Hollow relationships are hard to identify till you look internally and realize you’re not whole. You may walk, talk, and motion through the movements……but are YOU really there. It’s just a shell. You’re saying what you think is right….but do you believe it. You’re reacting how you THINK you should, but do you feel it. Are you there? Sometime you don’t know it’s not reality. If you fake it long enough, it’s easier to swallow.  Don’t be hollow. Say what you mean. Show how you feel. Real love will endure.

Babygirl

A daddy’s girl I’ll always be

Your first born love

made for the world to see

Held in your arms

shielded from hurt and pain

you whispered “my babygirl”

and told me my name

From first steps to first words

you watched your babygirl grow

and showed her something

that she’d always know

That her daddy’s love

is unconditional everyday

no matter if he’s near

or very far away

And even now it’s clear

for everyone to see

that no one can take away

what my daddy’s given to me

Even if a love

has left me with a broken heart

my daddy’s there to mend it

and remind me who’s loved me from the start

And when he put’s me in my place

after bad choices I’ve made

through my tears he shows me

that tomorrow’s a new day

From my birth to my death

and all time in between

My Daddy’s “babygirl” I will always be……

Cutter

It’s tragically beautiful the way you want to die
deep cuts, big bruises
Tragic only because you are loved
Beautiful because you don’t know you are loved

She waits

As she watches the sunset just past the window pane, the beating of her heart quickens

Breathing deep she lays down for sleep knowing, hoping it’s the same as every night before

And she waits

For the deep slumber to control her, for her mind to break free

It’s only here that she feels the love unconditional of a romance yet to be

She’s with him every night behind heavy eyelids and dark walls

Underneath the blankets so warm holding her pillow close

He whispers in her ear “my dear you’ve been away to long”

Every day she waits for night to hear him sing this loving song…

“My love for you runs deeper than the oceans deepest part,

And every moment you’re away you take with you my heart

There is no place upon this earth where I won’t be with you

I’ll wait forever and a night to have this love so true

Please stay with me, don’t ever leave. I’ll give you all you need

And what you want I promise you will find right here in me”

The stars shine bright as she listens to the voice of a man she never sees

But on the horizon the sun starts to creep slowly upon the pane

And she waits

For each night before she wakes a sweet kiss touches her lips

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