Cold Hearted

There’s a lover inside of you

Tender and kind

A being who appreciates 

Sweet kisses and time

There’s a lover inside you

That wants long gazes and hugs

Snuggled up in the covers just because

There’s a lover inside you

Who wants nothing more

Than the lover in someone else

To take the time to explore

Every crevice and curve 

Every heartbreak and tear

Someone who genuinely just wants you near

But there’s an Ego around you

That blocks out the pain

Keeps away the hurt and despair 

That comes with the rain

There’s an Ego around you

That pushes people away

To protect the soft heart inside you

That can’t take another heartbreak 

There’s an Ego around you

That lashes out cloked as wit

Sarcastic phrases, cynical shit 

This Ego around you 

Casts the image of a black heart

But I see through your veil

I think I see a warm start

Of the lover inside you

Wanting to emerge again

And I’ve got nothing but time

So I’ll wait till you let me in.

Black Lines

The smudge of her charcoal eyeliner felt heavy on her hand. Shit she thought. What was the point?

Pretty faces blinked eyelashes full. Her mascara couldn’t do half. Highlighted cheek bones glowed golden peach. Only brittled scars from battle acne riddled her pores. Piling on concealer, layering walls covering tear streaks etched. Lips matted red, chipped teeth grinning because you’re never fully dressed without a smile she pushed. Head high, chin up beautiful because confidence is key. Show them who you want to be. Give that energy, poor out good. Let your hearts compass guide through life’s tries and never let your words go misunderstood.

That was the point she thought, wiping the charcoal from her hand. Keep going.

₣ɎⱤɆ

I’ve got moonlight in my hands

The warmth of a star so close to me

can’t even comprehend

This beautiful soul I see

She’s got this smile about her

That from the corner gently teases

Coaxing kisses from lips so soft

My heart skips into pieces

It’s not often I’m silent in her presence

Pumping her full of my pointless banter

But just one glance up from those eyes

And nothing I’ve said matters

She’s snowfall over bonfires

Or rainfall in a drought

She’s the Carmel to my apple

And everything life’s about

So with this moonlight in my hands

And the warmth of a star so close to me

We’ll stroll through the darkness

Blowing down blunt wrapped trees

Pause, a ᴿᴱᶠᴸᴱᶜᵀᴵᴼᴺ

I had to fall apart to see all the pieces

Laid out in front of me like a road map to recovery I could pinpoint exactly where the rip in my seem was. I had been stuffing myself full of nothings. Full of air, no weight inside threatening to collapse from lack of structure. Who taught you how to love? I had been stumbling along crafting hopes and dreams but what was 𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮….

𝓑𝓛𝓤𝓔

Can I just lay with you till the morning comes, till our lips have dried and fingers undone. Listening intently as your chest raises and falls, it’s here in your arms that my demons crawl slowly but away, escaping our fairytale turned raw. In the morning as the sun seeps through like honey blood, sticky shining down on this unshakable love.

Premonition 

I promise I will burn this world. Scorch it darker than midnights with no moons. My mind screams constantly with regrets of missed openings, tiny slits that needed to be pried. Cracked doors that begged to be swung wide, quickly I walked past adverting my eyes. I will stand confidently alone. No props or side bars, no braces or crutches. No shade. Reminding myself continuously, that by myself, there’s nothing myself can’t accomplish myself. Letting my voice be the loudest one I hear. The only one that matters. Loving and soothing, I won’t need reassurance. I feel the candle flickering, the flame gently tickling. And soon….I will burn this world.

Just a reminder 

She was lost and she knew it. 

Looking for a corner to engulf her hurting soul, someone to finally make her feel whole. A piece to fix a broken half, but scattered shards can’t fix damaged glass.

She was defeated….but pushed through it.

Do not be meek, hold your head high, be bold be proud, it’s ok to cry. You’re not crazy or insane for expressing your views. You have every right to demand how they treat you. Mistakes do not define you, let the past be where it is. I pen this as a reminder to myself….you got this kid.

Wicked Thoughts

Smoking was my nastiest habit

that’s how I think of you

A blemish on my perfectly imperfect life

You live to make mistakes

promises made to be broken, lies told when words spoken

I don’t dislike what transpired

I was drawn to it

dragged to it like the nicotine from the filter of my newports

that rushing high felt when your drug of false love hit my veins

left me feeling filthy like the ash tray of a mouth I had

the blanket of a toddler being pulled across the floor

mindlessly cause you cling to it but chase every bright object that crosses your eye

you wouldn’t let me go

No matter how hard I tried to kick the habit

I was always brought back

even now the thought of a puff makes me lick my lips in wonder

what if

She waits

As she watches the sunset just past the window pane, the beating of her heart quickens

Breathing deep she lays down for sleep knowing, hoping it’s the same as every night before

And she waits

For the deep slumber to control her, for her mind to break free

It’s only here that she feels the love unconditional of a romance yet to be

She’s with him every night behind heavy eyelids and dark walls

Underneath the blankets so warm holding her pillow close

He whispers in her ear “my dear you’ve been away to long”

Every day she waits for night to hear him sing this loving song…

“My love for you runs deeper than the oceans deepest part,

And every moment you’re away you take with you my heart

There is no place upon this earth where I won’t be with you

I’ll wait forever and a night to have this love so true

Please stay with me, don’t ever leave. I’ll give you all you need

And what you want I promise you will find right here in me”

The stars shine bright as she listens to the voice of a man she never sees

But on the horizon the sun starts to creep slowly upon the pane

And she waits

For each night before she wakes a sweet kiss touches her lips